The first annual Diversi-TEA event held by Metro Continuing Education staff and students included a fashion show and various sweets from around the globe. Students shared their lovely outfits and cultural dress as they proudly walked in a circle for all to see their fashion from back home. But this event was about something more than an artistic display.
In today’s fast-paced life we sometimes forget what it truly means to be invited to someone’s home for tea. There is a quick coffee or chai grabbed at a local shop, but there is not that long lingering chat with the added sweets baked by the hands of your host and offered in friendship with conversation as warm as the beverage being consumed.
It is important that people take time to listen to each other and appreciate the effort they take to make their time together special. This means reaching out of your comfort zone and meeting your neighbours to engage in community life.
When my old neighbours would gather in their backyard we would talk over the fence, exchange information about the neighbourhood events and sometimes going over to talk around their campfire as they “spin a yarn” or tell a story about what is happening in their life over a cold iced tea.
This is a normal part of Canadian life that people do not often experience living in accommodations such an apartment building. For example, the other day I was going back up the elevator after a fire drill emptied the building of its occupants and looking at my neighbours jammed like sardines into the rising elevator made a funny comment about the loud alarm and the locked elevators that would normally get a laugh. However, no one was listening and the people that did looked at me with wonder as to why I was speaking to them. All were engaged in their own thoughts in their own language, one even carrying on a conversation loudly in French thinking no one else could either hear her or possibly understand her.
Last year I was at an information session for an immigrant serving agency here in Alberta where the woman speaking was encouraging people recently arriving in Canada to come to her centre. In the course of her presentation she, herself a relatively new immigrant, told the other newcomers in the room over ten times in increasingly emphatic and insistent tones until she was practically yelling, “Don’t talk to Canadians!” Explaining, as if it was a given fact, that their Canadian neighbours either couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to help them.
My stomach turned and my heart pained at the deliberate prejudice she was imparting in her marketing speech but there was no appropriate opportunity to address it. Typically, Canadian-born people under-react to such behaviour allowing people their opinion, and in this case, I was no exception. But I shared my feelings with the newcomers I was with and tell them how rude, and hurtful the woman’s words had been. As politely as I could I told them to feel free to use the woman’s services as they could be helpful but to ask me or any other Canadian about whatever they needed as usually if we don’t know an answer we will tell you who might be able to help.
Earlier this year a federal government minister rather stunningly accused an opposition member who was raising constituent concerns and asking questions about government policy (i.e. doing an MP’s job), as being “Un-Canadian”. Later someone suggested on social media that the government minister, “Put the kettle on and invite [the person he insulted] over for a cup of tea!” presumably to apologize for his efforts to defame the other MP and ignore the questions.
This phrase, “You’d better put the kettle on!” speaks a lot to Canadian culture and is something that newer Canadians might not immediately understand. It underscores a social fabric where we talk directly to each other, dialogue, apologize when necessary and make things right in the relationship as best we can when it is necessary. If we have a conflict then we have the general assumption that we have not had enough face time and that maybe meeting at the kitchen table for a chat will help any misunderstanding.
We get to know our neighbours at least as acquaintances and though we made typically leave each other to live their own lives where we might not agree, we have plenty of other things in common and if need be we will help each other. In smaller communities these relationships are likely closer than in urban centres, but it doesn’t mean they do not continue to be reflected in Canadian’s attitudes towards people who we might not know.
There is an old proverb that says, “To have friends you must show yourself friendly,” and I believe promoting friendliness as a real Canadian value is vitally important. I was impressed with the beautiful display of kindness and hospitality depicted at Metro Continuing Education’s Diversi-TEA event, which I sincerely hope is more normative than my other experience.
People are people and anyone can hold an ill-advised opinion; the way to deal with it is to be a model of kindness and respect. It is my hope that our readership will take on the challenge of listening to and talking to their neighbours no matter where they are from. It is important to protect yourself from being prejudiced by one bad experience or someone’s poor advice. Make a habit of “putting the kettle on” and share some gracious words with your neighbours. In Canada Diversi-TEA is something we can celebrate every day.
